Bust magazine Feb/Mar issue - on dating and weddings!
You, reading this right now. Go to your local book store and get the Feb./Mar. issue of Bust magazine. NOW! There two articles I want to highlight here. One is which debunks those pesky dating myths that keep everyone miserable in their relationships. The article cites studies that indicate that YES WOMEN CAN ASK MEN OUT ON A DATE! If it is backed up by science, will you all finally believe me? Another revelation - it is ok for a woman to pay for a date! This one is tricky ladies, because there will definitely be guys out there who want to pay for everything. I don't trust those guys personally. It makes me feel like I'm going to owe them something later. I've always felt that the person who did the asking or picked where you're going should pay. My other favorite myth from this article is that men don't like to date smart women. The article debunks some recently cited studies, and shows that men do in fact like smart women. So girls - It's ok to ask guys out, to pay for dates sometimes, and to be intelligent! Why, in the 21st century should I even feel the need to reiterate these points?!?
The other article I absolutely adore from this issue is about the history of being a bridesmaid. I've decided that when I get married the wedding will be more than a touch on the non-traditional side, because I hate weddings. I hate them. Mine will have no bouquet toss, definitely no garter toss, no candle lighting ceremony, none of that. It'll have an open bar and a document to legalize what I already know. Oh yeah, and a cake shaped like a pirate ship.
This article from Bust points out that what we think of the traditional wedding in America was really an idea created in the 1800's, mostly by merchants and people wanting to show off their status. Weddings were not the big deal they are now before then. And all that wedding etiquette crap? Invented in the 1930's. Oh yeah, and De Beers invented the "custom" of the diamond engagement ring.
Why do I love this article so much? I've never been someone who respects doing something just because "That's the way it has ALWAYS been done". Now I hope you see that some of these things are definitely not the way things have always been done, and you can feel a little more freedom if you're planning a wedding. Make it about you and the person you love, not about what you think a wedding is supposed to be like.
He's Just Not that Into You
So I've just read
He's Just Not that Into You, and I really was not that into it. They lost me in the first chapter, when that dating rule that just won't die came up: A woman should never EVER ask a man out first. *sigh* Sweetie, if a man is going to be somehow offended or turned off by you having the guts to ask him out, do you really want to go out with him? (This myth is debunked in the latest issue of
Bust, which we shall get to later). Personally I'd rather ask and know if he was into me and get on with my life, instead of playing this "I like you but that fact that I have ovaries prevents me from asking you out for coffee" game.
The rest of the book is ok, but should be common sense. Obviously you don't want to date married men, guys who only want to hang out if there is drinking involved, men who are sleeping around, etc.
There is some good advice about the guy who you're sort of seeing but isn't really your boyfriend, the guy who never wants to get married, and others. The overall theme of getting rid of the guy giving you mixed messages or making you miserable is a good one, but sticking to stale dating myths makes this book out-of-date.
Laughter Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Here is an article about how laughing together can
improve your relationship. The study found that couples who reminisced about laughing together felt closer. I think finding someone who makes you laugh is one of the most important things when you're out there dating. The really happy couples I've met always have inside jokes and things that make them start cracking up.
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recent advice column from The Red and Black, an independent student newspaper from UGA. The second one touches on one of my pet peeves - trying to change the person you love. You can't do it! You can help them better themselves, but only if they want to. You will never ever ever be able to take someone and mold them into the person you want them to be. Ever. I like this quote from the article: "
Yes, you might be able to persuade him to change - love is a hell of a motivator - but you should know that real love is loving someone for exactly who they are (imperfections included), not changing them into someone you can love more easily. People who truly change do so by their own volition, not external pressure." I love it.
Help me meet girls!!
Ok guys I promised I would give you some good tips for meeting single women! I wanted to get you a lot of good stuff so this is not just things I though of, I also interviewed a girl who is single and out on the dating scene to get you some tips. Gals-feel free to add your own tips in the comments.
1. Let's say you see a girl you'd like to meet in a bar, but you're not sure what to say. Tip number 1 is SAY ANYTHING. Yes, its quite possible she won't like you, and there is even a chance you'll make a fool of yourself. But there's also a chance you'll strike up a conversation and meet a great girl. That definitely won't happen if you never try.
2. Little things like opening the car door for her can go a long way. I think sometimes guys think that things like that will offend some of us modern feminists. You can be a gentleman without being overly chivalrous. Offering her your umbrella=good. Offering to kick the crap out of the guy checking her out from across the bar=bad.
3. Be interested in HER. So lets say you've gotten up the guts to go talk to her. Don't be looking around at other girls, or talking to everyone else in the bar. You wanted to talk to her so bad, so talk to just her. If you do this, and she doesn't seem interested then move on, but make sure you've tried this first.
4. SMILE! You'll seem happier, friendlier, and most people look more attractive when they smile.
5. Have a real conversation. It's not a job interview. Just have a nice friendly conversation, not stream of vital statistics questions. Let those things come up naturally and you'll feel like you're "clicking" a lot more.
How do you tell if she's even interested?
-She wants to continue the conversation.
-She's smiling, laughing, and maybe even hair flipping (yes I will admit to this one).
-She's making hints for you to take her number or ask her out.
-If you still aren't sure, you'll just have to ask her if she'd like to go out sometime.
And yes some girls may still expect you as the guy to be the one to ask them out first. Plus even if its not a gender role thing, she may just be nervous about it. But now that you have all these great tips, you aren't going to be nearly as nervous, are you?
On contraceptives, shoeboxes, and coffee
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new study shows that oral contraceptives don't usually lower sex drive. It does mention "only a small minority of oral contraceptive users experienced a negative effect on sexuality", but that they could not pinpoint anything specific that was causing it.
An article I really liked about the
things we keep from past relationships. Do you tend to keep little mementos from previous relationships? I'm usually a toss it/burn it/flush it kind of girl, but I do have a few things.
Star Tribune article about the coffee shop being the place for internet daters to meet in person. (My first in-person meeting with the guy I met online was at the airport. We now live together so it really does work!)
I am a big Cosmo fan so expect a few from the big C:
Here is a good one on using the five senses to enhance your man's sexual experience.
The'>http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,426361_675621-1,00.html"> The Sex He Craves
Some of it is old news, but there were a couple of things I hadn't heard before.
I am a big Cosmo fan so expect a few from the big C:
Here is a good one on using the five senses to enhance your man's sexual experience.
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,426361_675621-1,00.htmlSome of it is old news, but there were a couple of things I hadn't heard before.
Relationships of all types
Here is a short but good article on relationships of all kinds from the
Chicago-Sun Times. The point about giving your partner genuine thank-yous and compliments
every single day is really important!
