Are text messages and TV the bane of relationships?
Do you use text messaging or other technology to avoid serious conversations?
Here is an article talking about the importance of face-to-face conversations in the digital age. It points out that texting shouldn't be used as a way out of a real conversation that you don't want to have. I agree with that point, but I would add that its better to text about something than never discuss it at all. Quietly stewing about something is far worse than having a text conversation about it. Personally, I hate texting on phones- it takes too long. I've had plenty of important conversations via instant messaging or email, though.
In the latest "
Blame Television for the Downfall of Civilization" news, studies show that people are more disengaged from those around them when the TV is on. Does this mean you should take the TV out of your bedroom? The article does point out that it depends on how people use the TV. Do you turn the TV on to drown out your partner, or do you watch together and talk about the shows? It can be a nice way to relax together if its something you both enjoy. If you're using it to zone out and ignore your partner, then there are likely problems in the relationship that can't be solved just by taking the TV out of the bedroom.
A very sad, touching
article from BBC News about an Israeli woman and a Palestinian man in love.
A woman talks about sexuality and Buddhism in a post from
BuddhistGeeks.com.
Labels: communication, love, religion
Diaphragms, Office Relationships, and Eco-Friendly Sex!
The diaphragm might not be the most popular birth control, but it has potential to
help prevent aids in Africa.
Twenty-somethings are
more comfortable dating coworkers than their older counterparts.
Love the environment? Love sex?
How to Green Your Sex Life! There is a ton of information here! From eco-friendly sex toys to vegan condoms, everything you possibly ever wanted to know about environmentally friendly sex is here.
Labels: birth control, sex
Things in the news...
First it was
sex toy parties, now its
pole dancing! Both of these industries follow the same model of the Tupperware party. A representative comes and shows the products in your home to you and your friends. In the case of the pole dancing party, they show you basic pole dancing moves, and they sell the poles and instructional DVDs.
A BBC online poll declares Angelina Jolie the
sexiest person EVER.
This does not seem like a particularly large or in-depth study, but researchers say that people
watching sexy TV shows (like Sex and the City) don't remember the commercials as well as those watching non-sexy shows.
107 year old man ponders whether
abstinence is the secret of his longevity.
Labels: sex symbols, sex toys, television
Crazy laws in Tennessee, and Wired Magazine!
Here are a couple of links about the law proposed in Tennessee, which would require death certificates for aborted fetuses. From
Yahoo, and
Feministing.
I'm a big fan of
Wired magazine, so here is a link to a
great article on
Wired's website about staying educated about sex. I didn't know they had a sex column on their site, its really good stuff! Definitely worth checking out.
Labels: politics, reproductive rights, sex ed
Dinosaurs on Marriage
You know a marriage really is like
owning a gameboy!
Communication
Let's talk about TALKING! I really really really REALLY believe that this is the most important thing in a relationship. Here are a few tips on communicating with your significant other!
Different styles of communication:
I don't like gender generalizations, but here is one that I have heard repeated quite often (I believe the first place I heard it was John Gray of Men are from Mars... fame). Women tend to want to talk to their significant other to express their feelings. They don't necessarily want you to do anything about it, they just want you to know how they feel. Men on the other hand, want to fix things. When their significant other expresses a concern to them, they want to know what they can do to make it better. Now I'm sure there are people on both sides that have both traits. I am a woman, but I know that I am definitely a "How can I fix this?" person when someone I know is upset. Its just something to keep in mind when communicating with your significant other. Maybe if they are a "How can I fix this?" person, you can tell them, "I don't need you to do anything, I just want to tell you how I feel."
Letting it all out:
Were you ever upset about something, but you didn't want to tell someone about it? Maybe you thought your feelings were irrational, or maybe you just didn't want to talk about it. Or maybe you were just really, really angry but you didn't want to get in a fight. So, you kept it all on the inside. Maybe your significant other asked what was wrong, and you said "Nothing." Maybe they even asked about the particular thing that really was bothering you, and you said, "No, I'm fine." But it wasn't fine. And maybe a week later, you blew up at them about it? This was something that was brought up to me recently as an "It drives me crazy when women do this..." sort of thing, but again I don't think it's necessarily a gender issue. I have dealt with men with a similar habit. So when something is wrong, you should tell your significant other. EVEN IF you think its silly. You can say, "I feel like this is kind of silly, but it still bothered me..." If you don't want to get into it because you think you're going to get in a fight, then just rationally think it through. Why are you upset specifically? What, if anything, could your significant other do to fix it, or to prevent you from being upset next time? Maybe you don't want them to do anything. You might even say something like, "I know this shouldn't bother me, and I don't want you to change anything, but this upset me in this way..." It's especially important to open up and talk about it if the person asks you "Is
this why you're upset?" They probably know you well enough to know that is what is bothering you, and they want to try to fix it. If you lie and tell them that that isn't what is bothering you when it is, its going to make them angry when they find out the truth, and it will make any situation far worse.
Talking doesn't have to mean talking:
Talking things through is really good for your relationship, and you probably already knew that. But what if you aren't comfortable talking? Personally, I'm very shy and I always have been. So my conversational skills are not the greatest. I have experienced many a situation in which I want to express my opinion about something, but my mind goes completely blank. So instead of an eloquent argument for why I was offended by some sexist comment, what comes out is, "Well, yes, it was too sexist! Because obviously it was hateful towards women! You aren't a woman so you don't get it! That guy sucks!" As you can see, it is not a very well thought out, articulate argument.
So, sometimes I don't want to talk about something. In some cases, I write about it. While conversation is always best (eye contact, body language, all sorts of reasons), if you are uncomfortable with it, then I say writing is okay too. Here is a secret about me: I have emailed my boyfriend from another room. Shocking, I know! To think, she who blogs about relationships and communication could possibly be shy about having a simple conversation! But I've found once or twice that it was much easier to just get all of my thoughts out in a coherent fashion in an email than to try to sputter them out, while that deer-in-headlights feeling comes over me. An email or a letter can be a great way to start a conversation too. Get it all out in writing, and then talk about it after your S.O. reads it. You need to have some decent communication between the two of you for this to work, though. Really, talking about things as much as possible is best.
Another way you can use writing to communicate is when you want to express gratitude, appreciation, love, or any other positives to your honey. Leaving a note on their desk thanking them for an extra special weekend will make them feel wonderful.
Labels: communication
Ok...so there is a little religion...
My cousin recently loaned me a book titled The Power of a Praying Wife among a couple other books by Stormie O’Martian. I’m not going to get into the religious aspects here, but there is something I found interesting in what her methods do to cause change in the relationship.
The purpose of the book is to cause healing in a troubled marriage through prayer. Instead of praying for yourself/your marriage, the book asks that you pray for your husband instead. It pulls your focus off of your own desires and forces you to look at your partner. Praying for someone, in general, causes you to have more patience, understanding, compassion and affection toward that person. It also reduces conflict because it asks the wife to turn to prayer instead of reacting negatively when the husband is being a tool. It basically breaks the cycle of conflict.
Ok. I got that. But what I REALLY found interesting is that the very first thing you are told to pray for is your husband’s wife. In essence, you are praying for yourself only after taking your own selfish desires out of the equation. You are praying for God to help you become a better person the way He wants you to be, not the way you want to be. While that may seem strange to a non-believer, it seems to me to be a key element of a happy relationship. You don’t have to be religious to have a successful relationship but you do need to be unselfish in your love for your partner.
For a lot of people in failing marriages, that it a revolutionary concept.
…
On a personal note, I have been praying for my hubby in the aspects she advises, not because our marriage is failing but because I want to keep it from getting there. On Saturday the topic was to pray for his work (that he not be lazy or a workaholic, that he find balance, that he only does “good” work, etc.). He ended up getting reamed by his manager that evening because he was working on a personal project when he had work to do. It may not seem like the answer to my prayer until you know how much his projects have been interfering in our relationship. When he came home he was talking about how he realize that he was letting these projects distract him from doing what he should be doing blah blah blah…which is EXACTLY what I had been trying to make him see for the last couple of months…
Maybe there is something to all of this…*shrug*Labels: book review, marriage
New Blog Feed!
Using a feed reader to read this blog? Here is the
new feed. It should fix the problem of links not showing up properly in posts. And if you aren't using a feed reader, I highly suggest you try out Google Reader if you read a lot of blogs every day, especially if you spend a lot of time checking blogs that aren't updated every day.
Labels: blog, feeds
Why do fools fall in love? Neurotransmitters!
Ever wonder what causes you to fall madly in love? Chances are neurotransmitters like dopamine in your brain had something to do with it. Here's some info about how these chemicals affect romance:
First an
article from CNN. Researchers looked at MRIs of people who were in love to find out what exactly happens in the brain. There is a very interesting point about love and lust affecting seperate areas of the brain.
Next, a special section from BBC about "
The Science of Love". Like the CNN article, this one also points out that love's affect on the brain is similar to that of cocaine.
Here is an article from a very cool site called Your Amazing Brain that details what your brain is going through during the three stages of a relationship: lust, attraction, and attachment.
Interested in more about why we fall in love the way we do? A lot of things I read on the subject mentioned Helen Fisher's book,
Why We Love. Especially check it out if you're interested in the three stages of relationships.
Labels: love, neurotransmitters, science
Links on narcissism, attachment, and YOU'RE NOT FAT!
Here's a good article about
dating a narcissist.
How
early social experiences affect relationships later in life.
Everyone who feels unattractive or too fat - this one is for you! I bet at some point in your life, someone told you that charm and confidence is always more important than looks. Well, I'm
telling you again.
Can feeling insecure in relationships
weaken your immune system?
Labels: attachment, body image, narcissism
For Valentine's Day
Prehistoric lovers found locked in eternal embrace. From CNN. A pair of skeletons from the neolithic era were found by archaelogists. What makes them unique is that they appear to be hugging eachother. Star-crossed lovers, together even in death?They were found near Verona, Italy, the setting for Romeo and Juliet.
Hope everyone had a great Valentine's day!
Blind Faith
Ladies, just wanted to throw out a warning to those on birth control pills.
After experiencing some negative symptoms (generally acting loopy), and hearing that other women had as well, I contacted my (male) OB/GYN regarding a change to my perscription. He *claimed* that the symptoms had never been associated with birth control.
My experiences, and those of three other young women, convinced me otherwise.
Apologies Keep Love Going, Sex in America, and more!
Here is a
really good article about why its important in relationships to learn to apologize. I think "I'm sorry", "Please", and "Thank You" are words we don't use enough when dealing with the people we love.
There are a
collection of interesting articles on MSNBC about sex in America.
An article on taking relationships to the next level. I like that they talked to different people to get different points of view, but there are so many rules! I hate rules! " Don't ask him out", "introduce him to your friends after this many dates", etc etc. Whatever. When its the right person, you won't need those rules!!
Book Review - Offbeat Bride
I just finished reading Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides by Ariel Meadow Stallings. It is AWESOME. Here is the thing, I hate weddings. HATE THEM. Yet sometime in the near future I'll be getting married. So how does one reconcile her independent bad-ass self with the nightmare that is the Wedding Industrial Complex? Stallings interviews many "offbeat brides" and shares the details about her own non-traditional wedding to help you plan your own. This book doesn't list "how-to"s so much as give you the benefit of experience and inspire you to think outside the box. If bridal magazines are all the same old boring shit to you, then read this book! I think the best thing that she points out is that people like going to non-traditional weddings. Who wants to go to the same old church affair that you could quote from memory? Especially among folks around that age where it seems like there is a wedding to go to every couple months, a non-traditional wedding is simply more fun! I definitely recommend this book to anyone with a wedding in their future, and I especially recommend reading it *before* you immerse yourself in bridal magazines and weddingchannel.com.
Labels: book review, offbeat bride, weddings
For kicks I occassionally read articles in the men's section of MSN Lifestyle. I had read through an article on Valentine's Day gift-giving, when I ran across this.
The Scientific Way to Pick Up ChicksI almost lost it at the DDB part...and when I got the the phone rules I literally burst out laughing. I cracked up so hard my boss asked me to send her a link.
It's so funny because it's so true...although I'm not so sure about the seven hour rule. A man has got to send a lot more than seven hours with me if he wants a piece.
